GONNA FLY NOW

For me, going to the doctor always feels like taking a test in middle school when you know you didn't study. You have to take it, but you know you're going to get a shitty grade, and as you write your name on the top of the paper, you kick yourself because you know you should have at least tried to study. Too late now!

Today I went to see my doctor of nine years for my six month checkup. She's this awesome person who encourages, talks plain but never chastises, and every time I go and I'm still this fat, tired person, I feel like I'm letting her down. I've cancelled appointments because I can't face her. Even though I'm an ostensible grown up doing my jobs, raising my kids, running my household, paying the bills, I've never been able to explain why I just can't stop. eating. crap.

But today was different. I was interested in the numbers. My A-one-c, my triglycerides, my HDL and LDL, my blood pressure, pulse. I wanted to know if the work I've been doing for the last eighty-one days has made a difference. And it HAS! Not to go all technical, but here are my results: my blood pressure is 102 over 66, and my pulse is 60. I've lowered my A1c (a blood test that provides info on blood sugar levels over the last three months) from 7.1 to 6.6. ('Normal' is below 5.7 - I've got a ways to go there. But that's okay.)

My overall cholesterol is 125, and I've raised my HDL (good cholesterol) from 24 to 41, and lowered my LDL (bad cholesterol) by a few ticks. My triglycerides are the lowest they've been in nine years. Interesting fact: my doc told me that the high triglycerides/low good cholesterol is a paired genetic factor that runs in my blood. So the deck is stacked, but I have cards I can play-that I've been playing, apparently. Go monounsaturated fats!

And I've lost 26 pounds. I have cheekbones again.

My doctor was so pleased. When she came in, she said "I looked at your numbers and I knew that you were doing something different." She was so happy for me. I feel like I done good. Like I studied, and actually got a good grade. I'm on three different diabetes meds, and she says I can officially stop taking one of them (fenofibrate) now, and we'll review my numbers in six months and see about changes to the other two. When she left, she said, "I'm so proud of you." What a wonderful thing that is. Still the little kid looking for approval.

I walked out of there feeling like Rocky after he runs up that big flight of stairs. Of course if I tried that I'd probably keel over from a massive heart attack, but it's nice to think about it. Gray sweats are my sartorial paradigm, after all.

So, to celebrate...I got a giant salad from the market near my job and I'm having Ken's Honey Mustard Dressing on it. A lot.

So my adventures continue, but let me just say thank you, thank you, thank you to my family and friends for all the love and encouragement and support. I've always played this stuff close to the vest. It feels weird talking/writing about it, and I generally eschew the involvement of other people in my personal business. Until now. You have made a huge difference, and I am humbled and grateful.

My advice for today: don't go it alone. The love of those close to us is essential fuel for the changes and improvements we want to make in our lives.

Gonna fly now.