UNFUNNY

197. Forty-four days in, and my blood sugar this morning was 197. That’s where I started back in July. I’ve gained two pounds back in two days. WTF? Yesterday for lunch I had a low-carb wrap with turkey, cheese, light dressing and veg. Last night I had salmon in a balsamic vinaigrette glaze and pan-fried kale with garlic. It was delicious. So I’m still on the plan…except...

I’m not stupid. I knew the county fair would take a toll, and it did. I had a corn dog, a small ice cream cone, something called fried macaroni and cheese (OMG), a clam cake, one onion ring, a few bites of a sausage and pepper grinder, and some kielbasa. Yesterday’s two screw drivers (Trop 50! with seltzer to cut the sugar) and kettle corn did the rest. The reality is that even when I’m good almost all the time, the times I choose to go rogue have a heavier price than I am now willing to pay.

I don’t want to take steps backward. I’m working too damn hard. I’ll test my blood sugar tomorrow and it will likely be back to normal. But finally picking up my testing strips and getting them to work properly meant I didn’t check it until today. And I don’t like that number, not one bit. The old me would have thrown up my pudgy hands and said “Fuck it.” Time to eat the donuts. The new me is mad. The new me feels a renewed resolve. The new me is going to kick it!

So while it’s fun to make jokes about this process, I find even minor setbacks startlingly unfunny. Basically, this blows. Basically, my lifestyle since I was old enough to make my own decisions has been to not give a flying f*** about myself, how I feel, how I look, how I live. And because I didn’t care at all for so long, I have to spend the rest of my time on this planet caring like my life depended on it. Because it does.

I’m going for a walk.

MacLean OUT!