LET'S TALK POOP!

​Either I’ve gotten your attention, or you’ve quickly moved onto some internet quiz telling you your spirit animal is a purple unicorn, or perhaps a Youtube video featuring kittens or baby bulldogs. Can’t say as I blame ya. Love those.

So, after a day out with the fam that laster longer than expected, we headed home at a time when dinner wouldn’t end up being ready until 8 pm. So, because we’re not French, we decided to get take out. Dragon Palace is our go-to favorite, so we got home and opened all the containers, the sweet duck sauce, the shrimp tempura, etc., and tucked into a delicious and largely unhealthy meal. I stayed (mostly) away from the lo mein (noodles, noodles, noodles) but found the crab rangoon and steam-fried dumplings impossible to resist. I had one swig of ginger ale (first bit of soda since 8/5) then promptly fell asleep while watching a special on Whitey Bulger. Nothing says you ate healthy like immediately dropping into a drugged stupor, drool running out of the corner of your mouth, your stomach rumbling like distant thunder. Theah’s a stawm comin, Paw!

I awoke this morning to the horrible realization that my blood sugar would probably be up, and that my morning ablutions (to put it delicately) were going to be… unpleasant. Garbage in, garbage out. My blood sugar wasn’t bad after all, but I still felt off this morning. All that deep fried goodness just doesn’t agree with me like it used to, which is partly a function of age, and partly because my body has realized that it can get the good stuff now, and it’s rebelling against the bad stuff I used to eat all the time. Uh, excuse me. Where’s the KALE?

Another odd side effect of last night’s menu is that I woke up smelling like Chinese food. Now, knowing how clumsy I am, you might think I just spilled a ton of food down my front, but you’d be wrong (this time). I actually smelled like dinner. I went for a two mile walk, and the whole time, I’m like, damn, I smell like chicken fingers. Luckily the neighborhood was quiet and there were no dogs running loose. My pores were actually oozing food smell, and I have to say, it’s unappealing (except to bobcats, I expect).

So while I enjoyed the meal immensely, I’m finding the after-effects distressing. I think I may just have to stop eating altogether. I mean smelling like raspberries would be okay, but day old Chinese food? Not so much.

And look at that - I didn’t mention poop once. Until now.